Loving Me, Like the Woman I am: February 2011, part 2

I promised in my previous post this month that I would address love! Well as I wracked my brain for the little knowledge I have obtained about love, I realized this was a lost cause.  Then the brilliant idea entered into my head that I do not have to make this about how we as women love others, but as to how we as women can come to love ourselves.
It took me a very long time to grow to love myself, not just as a physical being but as a spiritual and intellectual being. Growing up, I was always a head taller than all the other girls, and when 5th grade came along I was also a good 4 pounds heavier. This was hard for me, I never wore a size 00 like most of my friends. My body went strait from girls 12/14 to Junior's size 5 in one somewhere. This was hard on me. By the end of 6th grade I was 5'8 and probably oh a good 150 pounds or so. That to many women would be ideal, but the little girl inside felt like a major outsider. I just continued to grow and develop. By the end of 8th grade I had reached my full height of 5'11, wore a 36 C bra(of which I now wish I had back), and a size 11 in jeans. This sudden blossoming of my body only made me more down on myself. My self esteem was wracked on by outside sources such as the media, friends and even sometimes family wouldn't realize that their small comments would cut deep.
Between 9th and 10th grades I decided I was going to lose some weight, so I changed my eating habits and worked out like a mad woman, lost just short of 20 pounds. Yup I was feeling good. But it did not really get me the relief I was expecting to feel. Needless to say I have now learned to love myself even though I have put on 13 of those pounds since then. One time on my FACEBOOK page I posted a profile that said the following, "I went through the mental list in my head that i might not have enough of: funny, thin, curvy, pretty, spiritual, sweet, caring, loving, flirtacious, bubbly, serious, softspoken, outspoken, smart, goofy etc. Then I started to think... I have just the amount I need of each of those, the way god made me, because he doesnt make mistakes. I have no reason to change anything. Take it and love it, leave it and lose. ;)"
The older that I get, the more insight that I gain that beauty comes in so many different forms. Now what would this blog post be if I didn't address men at all? Well certainly not one that had to do with love. This next statement is for you single women still waiting for that special someone. Today as I cleaned out my fish bowl, I decided to watch the fish for a while. I poured some fish food into the bowl(because heaven knows the last time I fed the poor thing.) The fish just sat there, and watched the food fall to the bottom of the bowl, and then slurped it up along with some scum. I thought to myself "You idiot fish, what are you doing?! You would rather wait for the sodden pieces of no-good to fall to the bottom of the bowl and then slurp it up with some of your own feces? Gross and not smart, the good stuff is still floating at the top!" Then it occurred to me... "Wow, men/boys can be just like my goldfish. Not just the part about the 15 second memory, but the part about how they will wait for the stuff that was once good to fall to the bottom. They will wait because it is too hard to go up to the surface where the good stuff awaits, they wait for some of the pieces to fall away to the bottom where they are easier for the picking. Never mind that they may have been mingling with some scum. This does not by any means, mean that you are not worth their time, but it means they are not worthy of you. Occasionally my wish would arise and go up to the surface and get some of the food. I thought, well if there is hope for those flecks of food, there must be hope for us single women!"
And as for you women who have already signed into a contract of love, I have a quote for you from an excellent book I got for Christmas this year entitled I Hate It When Exercise Is the Answer- A fitness Program for the Soul by Emily Watts. In this book she addresses really any stress one may come across during a months time and answers it with an "exercise". Well there is one chapter/exercise that addresses how men are different from women. Exercise #7 An Exercise in Understanding Men: The next time you are frustrated because you don't seem to be getting a response from the man in your life, remind yourself that he is not being deliberately obtuse it's just the way he is wired. Communicate your needs clearly and directly, and don't forget to express gratitude when they are met.
Oh this line of advice made me giggle, but I am sure that many experienced women out there could really actually apply this tip. 
I have filled this blog up too much with me, but I really am enjoying writing it. My challenge to you is that you go and find that inner peace with you, and WORK IT! And if you must have a man in your life, realize that you should not settle,  because then you place your own self worth below that of what you truly are. Keep in mind as well that most men aren't entirely dumb, they just need to be told point blank what is going on.

Love you! Until next month

Black Like the Woman I am: February 2011 part 1

So as a few of you may know, not only is the month of February famous for valentines day, but its also famous for Black History Month. Now one does not see cards or candies out with pictures of black people on them, because well for the most part many would find this weird. Many have argued as to why black people get a whole month to themselves, well my guess would be that it is because of the hundreds of years of injustice that whites did not have to go through here in the United States. In no way am I racist towards white people but its fair, really the least that can be done. One thing I found interesting that kind of upset me is that basically no one knew what black history month was here in my Utah Schools, it is not acknowledged the way it should be. This post is not to complain about the lack of information given out to elementary kids in school, or to talk about the injustice that "whites" have inflicted upon blacks. This post is for me to celebrate some of the most influential black women in this world!

Coretta Scott King: Wife of Martin Luther King Junior

Gladys Knight(and The Pips): Interesting factoid about Gladys, She is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Harriet Tubman: Key woman in the Under Ground Railroad, the project that helped slaves to get to the North to freedom.

Jane Manning James: If you have ever wondered who the black woman in the Joseph Smith movie that is played at temple square and now available on DVD, that is Jane Manning James. She was one of the first black members of the LDS Church.

Mae Jemison: Not only was she a volunteer doctor for the Peace Corps, but she was also the first black female astronaut.

Michelle Obama: Biggest white house fashion sensation since Jackie O. Michelle Obama(despite her husband's less than honorable decisions in office) keeps up the family face with her strong personality and values. They say behind every good man is an even greater woman... living proof.

Oprah Winfrey: She is Oprah! It is too hard to summarize her doings.

Serena and Venus Williams: World Famous athletes, these sisters have been kicking booty on the tennis courts for many years.

Princess Tiana: Disney's first black princess, featured in "The Princess and the Frog"

Kathi Lewis: Okay... so my mom is not black we know, as a matter of a fact if you leave here in the sun too long she starts to turn into a redskin(awful joke I know) But this woman is AMAZING. Not only was she Mother of the Year for Washington State in 2001 but she has adopted 7 children, 6 of which are black. She has always made an effort to make sure that we take pride in our ethnic background. I love you Mommy!

This Post is Part 1 to my blog this month, in about a week or so I will post something on the lines of LOVE! Stay tuned...